Monday, November 3, 2014

ICYMI: Life is NOT a piece of cake

The last couple of weeks have been some of the craziest of my life.  The memories I've made, the adventures I've taken, and the people I've spent my time with have really made these past weeks unforgettable.  (More posts to come about those adventures!)  I've gotten to see and experience so much.  Yet, those weeks have also held some of the darkest, most uncomfortable, and hardest moments of my life as well.  

Like I've probably mentioned before, this study abroad thing hasn't exactly been a piece of cake for me.  Lots of it has been really hard.  As of a few weeks ago, I was probably in the worst place I've been so far on this adventure.  I was feeling very lonely, very lost, and very angry.  A lot has changed since then (thank goodness!), and I've learned to appreciate a lot even though those hard feelings and emotions were very real to me.  

What do you do when you feel very lonely & everything & everyone you know and love seems so far away?  I have had to struggle and wrestle with those feelings.  Many times I've had to cry out & say "God, why does this hurt so much?  Why does this suck?  Why do I feel as if I have no one to talk to/hang out with/be with, etc?"  It has been hard to ask those questions, but I also am realizing that these questions (along with moments of praise and thankfulness!) have really formed part of my experience in Spain and can be just as rewarding as those more lovely thoughts!

Not everything is easy in life.  Not everything is a piece of cake.  Not everything gives you instant gratification.  We live in a world that very much looks for those things.  Yes, I want to LOVE my experience in Spain.  Yes, I want to be so glad I came & praise God for all the wonderful experiences and friends He gave me while here.  But if that isn't the case, that's okay, too.  I can still praise God for THE experiences He gave me, good or bad.  No matter what, He is good.

No, I'm not saying that this experience just stinks.  No, I'm not saying I absolutely hate it here and I just want to go home.  That's not the case!  {Don't get me wrong, there have been moments I've said those things to myself & to people such as my mom!}  There is SO much to truly be thankful for here!  I am in a wonderful place with wonderful people, and I'm so glad I have gotten this experience!  

Times have somewhat gotten better as well.  I have learned to cope with my homesickness little by little & get used to the fact that "my people" aren't here with me and I miss them because of it.  But I know that I can make the most of my time here and learn a lot!  My Spanish has been greatly improving & I love the professors & the school I'm at here.  The city is beautiful and the people are wonderful & kind.  Rather than days of feeling especially lonely, I just have moments where I feel so.  

And I'm learning daily to look to God for friendship.  Jesus is the best friend I will ever have, so why not take advantage of this time to grow closer to Him & learn and grow as a person!  Because when it comes down to it, people let you down.  People hurt you.  Experiences hurt you.  But God is my forever & always. Of course, this thought makes me think of one of my favorite country songs. :) 

"I could stand to lose my faith in
friends that come and go;
yeah they'll be there when you need them,
they say that when you don't.
I could give up on my heroes, 
could let myself down too,
but what would I do
if I lost my faith in You?"

That song has been one of my favorites for a long while now.  I remember the lyrics striking me at one point when I was hurt and upset over the way I was feeling beaten down by relationships with others.  And I've thought of the lyrics from this song often when I've felt as if everything around me is falling apart.  Just like it says at a different point in the song (the link is above if you want to check out all the lyrics), God's got our back.  We don't know why and we don't deserve it.  We WILL find ourselves up against walls in this life, but we have NOTHING to worry about.  God has it ALL in His hands.  Isn't that oh so wonderful? 

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